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Here are some humorous examples to illustrate the potential reasons why some people might be scared of business consultants:

1. Lack of understanding: “Business consultants are like super smart business wizards who can see through walls and predict the future. I’m not sure I’m ready for that level of sorcery.”
2. Fear of change: “I’ve been doing things the same way for years, and the thought of changing anything makes me break out in a cold sweat. A business consultant will turn my whole world upside down.”
3. Concerns about cost: “I can’t afford a business consultant. They probably charge by the hour, and I’m pretty sure I could spend the entire day just trying to pronounce their last name.”
4. Personal insecurity: “I’m scared of business consultants because I’m pretty sure they will tell me everything I’m doing wrong and make me feel like an idiot. Can’t I stick my head in the sand and pretend everything is fine?”

Again, it’s important to note that these examples are meant to be humorous. And are not necessarily representative of all business consultants. Many business consultants are professional, supportive, and understanding. And can help a business make positive changes in a way that is respectful and collaborative.

Here are five clever ideas for what a business might do with increased profits after working with a business consultant:

1. Buy a fleet of miniature horses to serve as company mascots.
2. Turn the office into a giant ball pit.
3. Hire a team of professional cuddlers to provide on-site stress relief for employees.
4. Install a slide from the top floor down to the parking lot.
5. Invest in a giant foam hand that says “We’re #1” and have it mounted on the roof for all to see.

Again, these are just for fun, meaning not taking them too seriously is healthy. A business needs to use increased profits strategically to help the company grow and thrive.